🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?